About

Here we are, my first blog with no shadowy artistic intentions. I’m writing with no persona and no creative agenda, which is incredibly scary and vulnerable. But I’ve made some incredibly scary and vulnerable decisions in my life lately, so I suppose it’s only fitting that I write this blog as more personal. In the coming months I’ll have adventures and misadventures to document and this is the best place to do it, for all my adoring fans who care to know what I am up to (hey Mom).

It’s a Wonderful Life (1946) is an American movie classic that is beloved by many, particularly my Mom, so we watched it a lot growing up. The plot (as told by Wikipedia) is about “George Bailey, a man who has given up his dreams in order to help others and whose imminent suicide on Christmas Eve brings about the intervention of his guardian angel, Clarence [who] shows George all the lives he has touched and how different life in his community…would be had he never been born.” As a kid it wasn’t my favorite, mostly because it’s epically long and filmed in black and white. As an adult, I dislike it even more. I appreciate the message of the film – that life has purpose and is a gift to be treasured – but to me, even despite these feel-good morals, it is the saddest story of all.

George Bailey dreams of traveling, just like me. As a young man he’s vibrant and ready for an adventure. Young George asks his uncle, “You know what the three most exciting sounds in the world are?…Anchor chains, plane motors and train whistles!” He echoes my thoughts exactly. George Bailey is the epitome of energy and the antonym of jaded. His enthusiasm for life is heroic. Just watch the first 20 seconds, you’ll see:

Slowly though, life gets real. Every time George is about to set out on his world adventure a road block is thrown in his way; conflicts he could ignore in favor of his own aspirations, but George is altruistic and chooses to stay to help out those in need rather than chase his dream. Life goes on and by the time we reach present day in the movie, George is nearly 40 and has still not left his hometown. Of course there are other factors that push suicidal George to the bridge on Christmas Eve, but at the root of it all is the deeply unsatisfying truth that he never pursued his ambitions. Even though at the end of the film Clarence helps him see how valuable his life has been, I don’t find it a very happy ending. He never did what his heart was calling him to do.

Well I don’t want to be George Bailey.

So I’ve made the biggest decision of my life – to follow my own dream. In September of 2014 I moved to Prague to teach English. Putting my deposit down for the teaching program was the most terrifying thing I have ever done. I left my friends, family, jobs, church, and community to follow my heart across the pond. If I had come from a harsh background where people had big problems and small expectations, the decision to leave my life in Dallas would probably have been easier. As it is, everyone I know is taking great strides to move forward in socially applaudable ways. I have friends with houses, friends with spouses, friends with graduate degrees, and friends pursing legalese (yep I just rhymed). Sometimes, in comparison, I felt small and inadequate. But everyone has different dreams, different goals, and different versions of what life should look like for themselves. My future may not be the cookie cutter path of my peers, but it is what I needed to do to be who I am. So George Bailey, you never got to travel, but I will. This chapter of my life is for you.

Disclaimer: I have a degree in Psychology and minors in French and European Studies. I won a district-wide writing contest in the 5th grade. As a teenager I wrote horrible poetry and kept a nauseatingly emo Xanga journal. In college I took two semesters of Honors English Rhetoric with the department’s most difficult professor. I received an A- both semesters. I’ve had one short-lived but vaguely successful blog prior to this one. In my last job I co-authored two published emag articles. This is the entirety of my writing experience, you have been warned.